You swim through the air with your two nude male assistants, who follow beside you and recline into various sexy positions.
The main boss is a pyramid of men in bikinis launching Skittles out ofĪfter a few minutes of this, you are transported to a dimension of pure homoerotica. And I don't know if you've ever seen anyone wink without moving the rest of their face, but it looks less like flirting and more like a horrible sleepy-waky baby doll with a broken eyeball. A stupid graphic of an eyelid slides over one eye then disappears. Before the camera pans down her strategically blurred body, there's an inept attempt by the graphic artists to make it look like the girl's winking at you. Unfortunately, that's when it gets a little bit creepy. If you can get off to this, I hope you're reading from I'm just telling you that probably nothing in this game is going to turn you on until you win a picture of a naked girl. Yes, I understand there is something wrong with an industry when a group of women kicking the crap out of each other in thongs is totally normal, but fuck that I'm not a sociologist. There were a lot of half-naked people already in Street Fighter 2, so the actual game doesn't even seem unusually erotic. If you are one of them, please stop reading and go play any of the games where you splatter the heads off of aliens with a rocket launcher. Warning: Some of the things and the breasts attached to them discussed in this article may confuse and frighten younger readers. But "adult game" designers often cross the line between sexily risque and fucking lunacy. Barrel-throwing gorillas and nudity are a perfect match, and sand paintings show that even as far back as ancient Egypt primitive man has been mixing pornography with Zaxxon. Just like orphans and tap dancing, eroticism and video games were meant to be together. Today, we're introducing him to some of you, and reintroducing him to the rest, with his look back at some of the most disturbingly erotic old school games. "Seanbaby's Flying Blind on a Rocket Cycle" will be our first new column since Robert Brockway came along back in November and started punching words through your computer screen. He's been a major influence on some of our best writers, and starting in April, he's going to be 's newest columnist.
#Sex video games cracked
Sean "Seanbaby" Reiley was writing comedy over at when Cracked was a poor man's MAD Magazine.
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